Dear Mr. Putin,
As America approaches Easter, the most solemn, joyful, and holy Christian celebration of Jesus Christ’s triumph over death and death’s Master,
the same Master, the Prince of this world who is now leading America, tells us how we’re supposed to celebrate. More abortion is always appropriate in America.
This is how the culture celebrates freedom. Also, we find blasphemous Jewess whores hilarious and enlightening. America loves it when intellectual Jews blaspheme and attack Jesus. We pay such artist handsomely.
During Easter in America, the family of an insane American woman tolerates her behavior as a kind of gesture towards charity. For liberated, fierce, lean-in American women, you can express whatever pent-up neuroses a Mammon worshiping culture inflicts upon you by maniacally celebrating discounted shoes. If you are somehow inclined towards religion, this behavior is also an acceptable form of expressing your pent-up spiritual diseases.
Children, to celebrate the mystery of the Resurrection of God’s only begotten Son as a savior for all humanity, you can gorge on as much chemically produced artificially flavored sweet sweet poison as you can, damaging your innocent souls, brain cells, and nervous and metabolic systems. If you’re like many American children, your parents are moral retards, perhaps they are even two homosexuals, and you’re doomed to a life of profound ignorance and slavery and an eternity of consequences. So here are two cute demons, brand ambassadors whose job is to continue to sexualize and corrupt children.
Anything animated and on television must be wholesome, right? What’s more innocent than portraying a lovable animated character stripping nude at some kind of degenerate Hollywood party and prancing to homosexual music in the most obscene manner? No one in American blinks at this stuff. We’re completely lost, Mr. Putin.
Notice that even here, our anthropomorphic American women candies are smart, aware, funny, and in-charge, while the American men candies are animals and idiots.
At best, we’re a nation of heretics, and we get the calendar all wrong to begin with. I’m nobody. You’re the most important and surprising world leader in my lifetime. Still, I humbly suggest a goal, perhaps not during your tenure, but for Russia: a Christian homeland for all the world. Meanwhile, in America, I believe the Church that you defend has an opportunity to preach the Good News, and, I’m afraid, for prolific martyrdom.